A State of Suspended Animation

Another in the seemingly interminable rainy days we've had, at first in the Hokianga, and now in Auckland, at least a week straight of stormy days so far.  Everywhere I've traveled in New Zealand feels as if the lights don't come on, on rainy days - just a dull, grey twilight all day.  And then, when the sun does make an appearance, it's as if Someone has turned on the lights, and all looks new, bright and charming.  But not today...

I am sitting in a Gloria Jean's Cafe, right off Queen Street, a regular stop for us on our walks up and down the CBD. The restroom here is still not working...I think it's been "Temporarily Out Of Order" for more than a month now...in a State of Suspended Animation...just the same, no sign of any progress.  

I have a tendency to live in a State of Suspended Animation, too.  No progress, waiting for repair...in anticipation of something that's going to happen, but hasn't happened yet.  In this case, the cycling adventure in China, which begins with the flight to Beijing tomorrow evening, hangs over both Tali and I, a lot like these storm clouds are hanging over Auckland.  Independently of one another, we both find ourselves looking at travelogues on the Internet, written by previous cyclists on the Silk Road and in Tibet, to get a context, a feel for the trip we are about to undertake.  Just how challenging will it be?  What condition will the rural roads be in?  Like a gravel washboard, as I read in one account?  

Looking ahead or glancing behind all the time, I find that too often the present, which is the only time I can actually experience, seems to get lost.  Ruminating about things I could have done better, or looking ahead to things that haven't happened yet, I don't derive enough pleasure from my moment to moment living.  For example, the past two nights' restaurant dinners have been dreadful, because  I didn't feel like putting in the energy needed to get to an excellent place to eat...too tired, it was raining, not that hungry anyway, and so on, through the litany of excuses that allows me to take the positive edge off my present.  We've at least put some effort into tonight's dinner, so maybe we'll break that pattern, at the least!

I'm hoping that the upcoming two months of travel will keep me focused on living in and really feeling the present moment.  Wait...the sun is starting to come out here...maybe it's time to get going!